Sweet Is The Work

Here are the words to this hymn, which I've never really liked much before. But we sang an arrangement of it in the Stake Women's Choir my mom directed for our recent Stake Conference. The arrangement, a lovely, brilliant arrangement, included a verse I'd never heard before. It made the whole hymn click for me in a meaningful way. I love it.

Sweet is the work, my God, my King
to praise thy name, give thanks and sing.
To show thy love by morning light
and talk of all thy truths at night.

My heart shall triumph in my Lord
and bless his works and bless his word.
Thy works of grace, how bright they shine.
How deep thy counsels, how divine.

But oh what triumph shall I raise
to thy dear name through endless days
when in the realms of joy I see
thy face in full felicity.

Then shall I see and hear and know
All I desired and wished below
and every power find sweet employ
in that eternal world of joy.

Yes, that's right--one day we can see and hear and know all we desired here in mortality. And how about an eternal world of joy? Sounds very good to me.

Family Home Evening Minutes

The best part of our brief family home evening tonight:

Charlie picked the opening song, I Am A Child of God, and insisted on "accompanying" us with his hot pink toy guitar. The thing doesn't actually make any noise, just a sort of a-tonal thrum. But he thrummed us through the whole first verse. Halfway through, with some urging, he actually began singing along with us. That's rare for him--he almost never sings even familiar church songs with us.

I would happily sing all evening if Charlie was accompanying on his guitar and singing just a word or two now and again.

Family Home Evening Minutes

Today's family home evening was built around a psalm quoted by President Monson during his talk in the Priesthood Session. Daddy magically brought the prophet right into our home before the boys' very eyes so they could see him speaking and hear what he said:

"Cease from anger, and forsake wrath."

Ok, so there wasn't any magic. Daddy just played a clip from that session from the internet. But the boys did get to hear the prophet saying it.

Daddy then explained what these words mean. He talked about what makes us angry and what kinds of things we do when we're angry. Yell, throw things, push someone, for example. Are those good things to do? Charlie didn't think so. Then he told Charlie we need to think of things we can do instead when we feel angry so we aren't mean to others, and asked Charlie this question:

"Let's say Johnny took your toy away from you and it made you feel angry. What could you do to cease from anger, to stop being angry?"

Charlie's answer was prompt: "Smile!?"

Simple, immensely difficult, but brilliant, don't you think?

General Conference--October 2009

I loved it.

Go here to watch.

I also loved "Come Thou Fount of Ev'ry Blessing" from this morning's Tabernacle Choir broadcast. Johnny sat on my lap and listened so attentively. I cried. One of my favorite hymns and a magnificent arrangement.

No matter where I am in my life when it's conference time, I always enjoy the "you can do more, you can do better, you will become something great" feeling I get from watching conference. And I always have this yearning to make that feeling last as long as possible. It's the few hours, days, weeks right after conference that I feel the most ready to seize the moment and make some changes.

So why not wake up and do something more?

Alive and Well

No, this blog is not dead. It has been in a coma for several months, but it's not dead.

A talk I gave in church on Mother's Day

I've recently been listening to conference talks during the day as I do some of my work. I really like Elder Dallin H. Oaks’ talk “Unselfish Service.” It’s a great talk. Here’s one of the parts that stuck out to me:

A familiar example of losing ourselves in the service of others—this one not unique to Latter-day Saints—is the sacrifice parents make for their children. Mothers suffer pain and loss of personal priorities and comforts to bear and rear each child. Fathers adjust their lives and priorities to support a family. The gap between those who are and those who are not willing to do this is widening in today’s world. One of our family members recently overheard a young couple on an airline flight explaining that they chose to have a dog instead of children. “Dogs are less trouble,” they declared. “Dogs don’t talk back, and we never have to ground them.”

Yes! Isn’t it awesome when you’re listening to general conference and one of the general authorities starts talking about one of your favorite pet peeves? Here was the number one topic I love to harp on—the “my dogs are my children” falsehood. It’s very easy to get me going—in fact, one of my favorite stories to tell is about the time when I was seriously asked to explain how having children is different from watching a puppy grow and discover the world.

So, if I chose to speak on Elder Oaks message, I could easily talk about all those horrible selfish people out there who are not having kids because they’d rather watch their puppies discover the world. And, as a bonus, I could connect the whole thing with Mother’s Day to show that, unlike those selfish dog people, I am a virtuous, unselfish, mother of actual human children. One who has suffered “pain and loss of personal priorities and comforts to bear and rear each child.” Pat on the back.

Wow. No dogs, two kids, and I’m a stay-at-home mom. Oh yeah, AND, I willingly agreed to give a talk on mother’s day. Unselfish service? Done!

Actually, it turns out “Unselfish Service” is one of those topics that I desperately need to work on. It’s not really something we can do once or twice and then check off on our list. It’s a lifetime thing.

And I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately because of some things that have been going on in our family. For instance, my sister got married last Friday. So I’ve been thinking a lot about unselfish service as it pertains to marriage and I wanted to give her some advice. Here’s what I shared with her, a quote from President Hinckley: “If you will make your first concern the comfort, the well-being, and the happiness of your companion, sublimating any personal concern to that loftier goal, you will be happy, and your marriage will go on through eternity.” My husband and I have had this quote on our fridge for most of our marriage, and we’ve tried to live it.

I can testify to you, as I did to my sister that this is a true principle. In my case, I can testify that trying to live this quote and failing, reminding yourself to try again, failing again and again but never giving up, has been enough. Maybe it’s just true for me because I have a particularly patient and forgiving spouse, but I believe this is such a powerful principle. Happiness in this life comes from willingly giving up the things you THINK will make you happy in order to make someone else happy. It makes absolutely no sense intuitively, but spiritually, I know that it works.

Here’s the quote from Pres. Hinckley that Elder Oaks uses: “He who lives only unto himself withers and dies, while he who forgets himself in the service of others grows and blossoms in this life and in eternity.”

Here’s the scripture version, “He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.” Matthew 10:39.

I love this scripture because the phrasing of this scripture perfectly answers a common philosophy in the world—the idea that each of us at some point in our lives, maybe at our mid-life crisis, will need to go “find ourselves.” The phrase is usually used by those who say they’ve been trying to please everyone else and now they need to go find themselves. But the scripture says the only way to find yourself is to lose yourself. Forget you, or your fate is withering and dying.

There’s another part of this I’ve been thinking about lately. The world wants us to believe that “whatever makes you happy” is the way to go. There are then, presumably, as many paths to happiness as there are people on the earth. What this way of thinking ignores is the fact that we all have roles, responsibilities, and duties in this life, some we were born with and some we have chosen. We are never going to be happy in a situation where we are outside of those responsibilities and duties. Those obligations truly exist and our happiness comes as we work to adjust ourselves to them, make sacrifices to align our lives with them.

Here’s how Elder John A Widtsoe said it, “We cannot walk as other men, or talk as other men, or do as other men, for we have a different destiny, obligation, and responsibility placed upon us, and we must fit ourselves [to it].”

We can run around all day every day trying to make ourselves happy, but the fact is that, by design, our spirits thrive on making other people happy, helping them learn, grow, or simply survive. We can fight against it, but we may as well fit ourselves to it.

That’s one reason I love my patriarchal blessing so much. Here’s God’s view of who I am, what I need to do in my life, and who I can become. If I work my hardest to fit my life with what God sees my life can be, I will be pleasing Him, and He will bless me with happiness. And you know what? Most of my patriarchal blessing is about what I need to do to help others, bless my family, and serve in the church and about the gifts Heavenly Father wants me to use as I do that. In short, it’s about unselfish service.

So, we’ve already covered the ways in which I’ve got this selfless service thing covered. What about something more we could do? Elder Oaks talks about Mother Teresa, who made a vow to give “wholehearted free service to the poorest of the poor.” Her life was given, not saved, in the service of others and Elder Oaks praises her for following Christ’s example and teachings. But we are not to take a vow and move to Calcutta to give our unselfish service. No. In the very next line of this talk, Elder Oaks tells us to apply this principle to our attitudes in attending church. He wants us to give our unselfish service wholeheartedly, but in smaller ways.

As Mother Teresa says, we can do no great things, only small things with great love. So, find the small things that you are being asked to do and do them with great love. Maybe it’s calling the sisters you visit teach. Maybe it’s making your husband’s lunch while he gets ready for work. Maybe it’s reading that book you are really sick of to your child who really loves it.

My goal is to find these small though difficult things that I am being asked to give, and give them willingly, with great love. In doing so, we are following the Savior’s example, and He will bless us with fulfillment and joy. I testify of Him, that He lives and wants us to return to Him.

My Niece Caroline

I'm not going to go into any details about what's going on with my 2-year-old niece. But contrary to what I would have thought watching her play at my mom's last weekend, she's not actually healthy. And her parents have been told that what they are trying to do to help her get healthy isn't working.

So I guess it was my mom's idea to have a family fast for her. Since tomorrow is fast Sunday, all of Caroline's paternal relatives (and, I hear, many others) will stop eating at some point today and not eat again until about 24 hours have passed. During that time we will be praying for Caroline and her family. I'm also praying for those who give her medical care and advice.

I just finished my lunch today, so after I was done, I knelt in prayer to begin my fast.

In some ways, it seems like an odd thing to do. Why should going without food have any affect of her health? So, of course, we must remember that it's more than not eating. It's prayer and pleading. By skipping the meals, we help ourselves remember that we are trying to focus our prayers and faith on Caroline. But we also say some things to our Father in Heaven as we do this. One of the things I think I am saying is, "my concern for this other person, this family, is greater than my concern for my own basic physical appetites." We are also saying, I believe, that even though our brains may not really see how my skipping meals should matter to the God of the Universe, we actually believe that He sees it as one way we show our humility and dependence on Him and our faith that He is there. In short, it's one way to exercise our faith that what we do, say, and think here matters to the Supreme Father of us all.

There is power, also, in the numbers. Just think about it: many people who know and love this family willingly give up food and send prayers heavenward on their behalf. That's unity. I believe unity has power.

One more thing: as I prayed just a few moments ago, I felt (in my mind and in my heart) that God, our Father in Heaven, knows this family and cares for them deeply. He knows about all the tears Caroline's parents have shed as they've contemplated their daughter's future. He knows what Caroline needs right now. Caroline is precious to Him and He has the power to help her.

Note.

Someone who read my posts here asked me why I had decided to use weird code names for my family members on this blog, particularly when I just use their real names on my other blog.

Good question.

I thought about it, and when I couldn't come up with a reason besides the fact that I just think my code names are so clever, I decided to drop them. So, if you read the last post you'll see I've used my son's actual name instead of "Colonel."

Usually, when I think something I've come up with is SO clever, I end up being the only one who thinks so.

Please excuse this style change.

Ever prayed for help and gotten it?

I have. In fact, it happens all the time.

About two weeks ago, on a snowy and stressful Sunday, it happened again.

I sat in my car in the driveway with my little boys buckled into their seats in the back and offered a prayer to Heavenly Father that despite the fact that Jeremy couldn't go to church with us, and despite the fact that little Johnny was super tired, that I'd have the help I needed to get through the day with a positive feeling. That everything would go smoothly. That I might even be able to learn something from church or help someone else learn something, too.

Then I began the 5 minute drive to church. Like I said, it was snowy, and I was feeling stressed.
I pulled into a parking space and saw that my little one had fallen asleep and that the parking lot was covered in snow and ice. Hmm. Two bags to carry in, two little boys in big coats (one of whom is asleep), icy pavement, high heels. Not sure how I was going to manage. I thought, "I'm going to have to go in and ask someone to come out and help me."

I turned off the car and got out. As I turned around, I saw that someone was already walking toward me. He said "Do you need some help?" Apparently, he had seen me pull in, known my car, known I didn't have my husband with me to help. But here's the remarkable thing to me. He knew those things. Big deal. The next part is the big deal. He got up from his seat on the couch in the foyer of the church and walked out into the snow and offered me his help.

How many times have I known someone needed help and not done anything about it?

But that's beside the point. That person who helped me did not know about the prayer I had offered just minutes before. But he was (in part) the answer to that prayer, the beginning of that day going well despite everything (including my attitude) that was stacked against it.

Someone out there is probably saying "That guy could have and probably would have helped you even if you hadn't prayed."

Maybe that's true. People are good. They want to help out. They can see a need on their own and act on it. Of course.

But here's why that's not the whole story. Two and a half hours later, I sat listening to a woman teaching about unity. She said a lot of things that I needed to hear, but she said something that seems, in retrospect, to be unrelated to her lesson: "Sometimes, when you are feeling really down, someone comes along and gives you just enough of a boost to help you go on again." I heard her say this and I immediately thought of this person who had helped me that very day. Sure, I wasn't so down I couldn't go on, but her words connected something for me that needed to be connected.

This guy who helped me carry my stuff across the snowy parking lot, helped me get my kids' coats off so we could go into the Sacrament meeting. This guy didn't know what he was doing. He didn't know that I was feeling low, discouraged, picked on, stressed. He just knew he thought he ought to come out and help me.

Yes, I was very happy to see him walking towards me across the parking lot. I was almost shocked to hear his offer of help. And I thought then, "What a blessing! I'm so grateful!" But I didn't connect then, just minutes after I'd offered the prayer, that his appearance was just the thing I had been praying for. (I was too busy worrying about a sleeping boy and an icy ground to think about it). In fact, I didn't even know, when I offered that prayer, the kind of help I would need. And I didn't know how heartening it would be to me to get that help without having to ask for it.

So the thing that came to me and made me weep two and a half hours later, when that teacher said those words, was that someone else did know. I sent my prayer up knowing that I couldn't do that day without help. And He who heard that prayer knew just the kind of help I would need. Only the One who knew what help I needed could have given the nudge to the person who could and would stand up, walk out the church doors, and give it.

And then, through the Holy Ghost, after my stressed-out, bad attitude had had sufficient time to chill out and be replaced by a peaceful desire to learn, He helped the truth about what had happened to click in my brain and resonate in my heart.

And I knew then, as I sat on a mauve cushioned folding chair and wept, that my prayers are heard and answered by the God of the Universe. I've known this truth so many times in my life. Felt it and testified of it and believed it. Yet I was still amazed to know it again that day.